Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
