Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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