Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
