chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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