Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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