The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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