stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
