i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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