So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
