I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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