She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize