I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
