Pants 0. Shit 1.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
