Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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