I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
