You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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