If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
