so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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