Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
