You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
