Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just pynch a tree in the face
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
