I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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