you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
