the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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