guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
