he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
