I hate your face
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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