thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need to calm my uterus...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize