yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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