I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
