i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
