Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
