I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
