the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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