If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
