During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
