Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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