I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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