did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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