So drunk, too bad you don't want this
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
