Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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