Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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