Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize