Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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