There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
