Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
