Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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