nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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