So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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