Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We had sex on a dog bed..
is that a dick in a sweater?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
