Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
