I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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