would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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