Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
