Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
