Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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