i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
