after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
