i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
