Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
