a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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