I forgot how hot balto sounded
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
